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Four strikes and million pieces

Kim Jaejoong is 5 years old when he first meets Jung Yunho. He watches from his garden as a big truck with furniture stop at the house in front and people start to unload. His mother calls him inside and he misses the car that has pulled up next to the truck.

The day goes by and Jaejoong is sitting down for dinner with his sister when the doorbell rings. He scrambles to the door and once opened it reveals a woman and another pair of legs hidden behind. The woman peers down at Jaejoong and smiles at him. His mother appears at the door as well and they strike a conversation. Meanwhile Jaejoong’s attention is diverted to the legs hidden behind and the face that peers around her. A wild mop of hair and a face with a bandage under their eyes stare at Jaejoong and breaks into a shy smile with jagged teeth. Jaejoong meets Jung Yunho at age 5 and befriends the kid with tiger teeth.

Of course during the next week Jaejoong gets more and more closer to Yunho to the point that sometimes he spends a whole day at Yunho’s and vice versa. Jaejoong’s mother is glad that Yunho can lure her son out of his shell. The neighborhood kids haven’t been kind to Jaejoong over the years and this has only driven Jaejoong away from making new friends altogether.

Through the years Jaejoong and Yunho grows up and discovers life together. Yunho’s sister and Jaejoong’s sister is close but not as Yunho and Jaejoong. They go through the teenage phases together. Jaejoong holding Yunho’s hand the day he gets his teeth fixed (Why do you need braces Yunho yah? It’s different and Sunmi said I look different, I don’t want to look different). When Jaejoong breaks his leg Yunho carries his bag to school and back every day for 3 months. Yunho doesn’t meddle when bullies try to pick on Jaejoong because he knows Jaejoong is no weakling but keeps a sharp eye out for any signs that it’s going too far. Jaejoong makes sure Yunho doesn’t miss any assignments and always stays after school for Yunho to finish his Hapkido practices. They get through Junior high and transitions to high school. When they are in their second semester, the gay jokes start and Yunho gets into fights defending their friendship. But only a comment from Jaejoong (Why are you so invested in finding if we are fucking? Do you want to join?)freezes the bully and makes everyone know of the new Ice Prince Jaejoong. Things doesn’t get easier but people learn to watch their mouths because no one escapes the sharp tongue of Jaejoong.

High school brings new experiences and also new emotions. The girls and their cooties are suddenly very welcome and having a girlfriend is looking cooler. Yunho gets confessed almost everyday and Jaejoong’s clique of admirers increases as well. They get girlfriends and crushes, their friendship seeing ups and downs, screaming matches (Do you not want to be my friend anymore? Why are you saying that? You know I will always chose you.) and oaths to never put a girl before their friendship. The high school exams take an eon and leeches their life but they manage to get into the same university. Yunho is given a half scholarship because of his Hapkido championships and Jaejoong gets into the music department.

The university life is not different and much more different at the same time. They feel like they are unlayering another part of life and experiences. The bond between them strains sometimes because university is all work and no play. Jaejoong also discovers that his sexuality may not be as straight as he thought but keeps this fact to himself. He has seen what society was like towards his close friendship all those years back and he doesn’t want to fight the societal norms. The university brings them new friends. An exchange student Park Yoochun and a theatre student Jang Geun Suk takes place in Jaejoong’s friend list and Yunho adds Kim Junsu and Lee Donghae. It doesn’t stop there but keeps growing and growing until the whole university and all departments have at least heard about the best friends Yunjae. At one point people start the old couple joke but it dies a swift death with Yunho’s many girlfriends. Although this doesn’t trouble Jaejoong as they still honor their oath and Thursday night movie marathons, Jaejoong starts to feel. Starts to feel the strain of maintaining the façade and having to conceal himself. So one Thursday night he casually breaks this to Yunho. The last thing he expects is for Yunho to storm out of the dorm room but that’s what happens. Jaejoong spends the weekend in agony and Yoochun comes in to save him. After a teary day Jaejoong tells Yoochun everything and Yoochun surprises Jaejoong by admitting that he had already suspected this all along. “Not because of your looks but you’ve got this vibe you know?” Yoochun says gesturing to Jaejoong.

Yunho corners Jaejoong Monday morning on his way to music composition. “Come with me” and drags him to one of the quieter corners of the university. The next fifteen minutes is spent in the worst fight of their history of friendship and at the end Yunho just grits out “I don’t care who you like. You are my friend” and tackles him into one of his signature bear hugs. Jaejoong feels his heart healing. He didn’t even realize it was hurt in the first place. (Who is he kidding, he spent hours agonizing over this).

What both of them doesn’t realize is that there are people around them and the word that Jaejoong is gay spreads around the campus like wildfire. Jaejoong experiences deja-vu again when the bullying starts but this time it is less. Nobody has time for that in the middle of assignments, readings, tests, quizzes and the ton of workload all university students have. What has improved is the encouragement Jaejoong encounter and the male admirers. It is not a large amount but the signals and confessions does surprise him. Of course this doesn’t escape Yunho and he makes it his mission to know about each and everyone. Yoochun laughs at him once. “It’s like he is your guardian or something”. Life drags on with more assignments and they edge towards their third year.

“What are you looking for Jaejoong hyung?” Yoochun asks one evening when the both of them are writing a composition. “What?” Jaejoong asks absentmindedly. “I mean in a guy. I noticed that you haven’t accepted any of those your confessions” Yoochun nudges Jaejoong and Jaejoong stills. Until that moment he hasn’t given a serious thought and he knows he cannot escape Yoochun with the usual nice personality answer like anyone else. There is a reason Yoochun is called his soulmate and he ponders Yoochun’s question.

“I don’t know. I guess I didn’t think about it much. Maybe someone who can make friends easily? Because I suck at meeting new people?” Jaejoong answers after a monet. Yoochun hmms “What else? What about appearance?” “Taller than me please. And no muscles. I swear if one more boy say they will pick me off of my feet I’m gonna scream” Jaejoong huffs. “Ok so tall and lean. Friendly. You know that’s like half of the University right?” Yoochun says again. They lapse into a comfortable silence and Jaejoong tinkers with a couple of notes.

“You know when I first met you I thought that you and Yunho hyung were boyfriends” Yoochun says suddenly and Jaejoong bangs on the keys by the surprise. “I mean you guys were very close. Closer than normal Korean men were for a usual friendship. You guys finished each other’s sentences and shared clothes. And for a while I thought that even your families knew because you call Yunho hyung’s mom mother and vice versa” Yoochun continues and Jaejoong’s brain starts to misfire. So far he has never given a second thought about these things and to have someone close to Jaejoong point out these things is something else from having people tease them for such things. “Of course you have to know how you two behave. I mean for god’s sake Yunho hyung socked that guy who tried to grope you the other day” Yoochun finishes and look up at Jaejoong. Jaejoong’s brain fails to pick itself up from the pit it has fallen into. Later that evening they part ways and Jaejoong’s brain is still going on about what Yoochun has said. The next few days he starts a habit of focusing on their actions. How Yunho still has Jaejoong’s old shirt and how Yunho remembers Jaejoong’s recital. Add the fact that they share a circle of friends who pretty much calls Jaejoong Yunho’s wife the realisations doesn’t stop Jaejoong and cultivates the feeling that maybe Yunho also sees him as something else than the best friend since 5. The feelings converts themselves to songs and compositions and Yoochun smiles knowingly when he plays them in the music room.

This continues on for the next semester and Jaejoong is now almost convinced that Yunho is the one. His feelings are reflected in his actions as he carries on looking after Yunho and making sure of Yunho’s welfare. The end of that semester Yunho goes back to their hometown for the first time alone as Jaejoong has to stay back for an additional recital. That was the first time they have been separate from each other since they met and Jaejoong is anxious and jittery. Of course Yunho insists he stay with Jaejoong but Jaejoong remembers that it’s Mrs. Jung’s birthday so he sends Yunho home with a thoughtfully picked up gift.

The recital goes wonderfully and Jaejoong, riding on the adrenaline by the reception plays one his own compositions. The audience loves it and his professor introduces him to the department head of The Julliard School “He really liked your composition.” His professor explains as a way of introduction. Jaejoong manages to maintain a conversation and gathers that his professor has recommended a couple of students from his class and Jaejoong is among them. Also those who are chosen will be invited to spend a year at Juliard and participate in the Music Festival as guests.

Jaejoong cannot believe his luck as this is a very big deal. It’s not everyday you are scouted by Juliard and he is ecstatic and catched a bus that night to his hometown to see his family and Yunho to share the news. When he arrives at his house however, he sees that his sister’s window is open and the lights are switched off. Fearing that a pervert has creeped into his sister’s room he edges and stands on tip toe to catch and beat up the man. When he is near enough he can make two people on the bed and he has to strain to hear what is being said and for the first time Jaejoong understands the meaning of the floor disappearing beneath your feet.

His sister is sitting on her bed with Yunho, too close to be friendly and too familiar to be the first time. Yunho has her hand in his hand and is whispering to her too intimately. His sister has a smile on her lips and Yunho is looking at her with a look in his eyes Jaejoong lets out a sound alerting the couple (The couple, Jaejoong hates that word) of his presence. Both of them jump apart at Jaejoong’s appearance and his sister goes pale. “Oppa” She says and Yunho looks panicked and Jaejoong feels the twinges of a headache. Except he is feeling light headed and he has difficulty drawing in breathe.

The next ten minutes is spent in a haze. “Oppa what are you.” “Jaejoongah what are you doing here?” “Oppa please don’t say anything to mom and dad” “I asked your sister out Jaejoongah. I have liked her for a long time and I… Please don’t hate me. I was going to tell you when I came back tomorrow” “Oppa are you okay?” Jaejoong feels even more faint and tries to gather his bearings. He thinks he is having a nightmare and doesn’t know how to wake himself up. “How long? How long have you liked her?” Jaejoong looks at Yunho and sees the question startle Yunho. “I don’t know. Since we were 17? It’s been so long” Yunho says looking at his sister and Jaejoong feels the first crack appear in his heart. He doesn’t know how many hammerings it will take for it to shatter but he can see Yunho poised for another strike. “I wanted to tell you so badly, but I wanted to ask her out before anything else.” Strike two. “Oppa please say something” his sister says. “Jaejoongah will you be happy for me?” Strike three. “I will love her with all my heart” Strike four. Unable to muster any more words he mutters “It’s ok Yunho yah, I’m happy that...I'm... I.. I.. I won’t say anything to mom and dad. I’m going to Yoochun’s anyway” He says to his siter instead of saying I’m happy for you guys, because he can’t lie to Yunho.

He doesn’t remember the journey from his home to Yoochun’s. His phone keeps ringing and the passenger next to his seat keeps shooting him worried looks and at one point Jaejoong wonders why it is raining inside the bus then realises, oh he’s crying. Silent tears are streaming and he cannot even make an effort to stop it, just how he was unable to stop himself from falling in love with Yunho.

When he arrives at Yoochun’s home it’s a much skinnier version of Yoochun that opens the door. But he calls for Yoochun over his shoulder and then there’s Yoochun at the door step and he takes one look at Jaejoong and bundles him in a hug. Jaejoong cannot help but compare his hugs to Yunho and the first sound in hours escapes his lips and then onwards cannot stop. It’s like as if it was building up in his chest for hours and now he is heaving the sobs out but all he can do is clutch at Yoochun and try to hope the pieces if his heart doesn’t come out with his sobs.

Hours later he is in Yoochun’s bed and Yoochun is looking at him with so much worry and apology mixed Jaejoong wonders how bad he looks. “I’m sorry hyung” Yoochun’s voice cracks. “I’m sorry I pushed you to Yunho hyung. I was so sure”. Jaejoong cannot find any strength to feel anything at the moment. So he closes his eyes and hopes that tomorrow he will wake up from this nightmare.

The next day Jaejoong wakes up with bloodshot eyes and sore throat and goes through the same cycle again. At one point Yoochun makes him take a shower and Jaejoong wonders Yoochun’s house like a ghost. Yoochun’s mother catches him one night in the kitchen with the cooking alcohol and sits with him. Jaejoong doesn’t even care when he starts to cry because he knows mothers doesn’t judge you.

After the fifth day Yoochun makes Jaejoong get up and talk to his mother because she has been worried. He doesn’t say but Jaejoong sees the many missed calls from Yunho as well. There is one email in his inbox from his professor as well as dozens of messages from his sister and Yunho.

At age five Jaejoong is introduced to Yunho, the kid with the tiger teeth. At the age of twenty one Jaejoong collects the broken pieces of his heart into a box and writes a reply to his professor accepting his admission to Juliard for one year. In the next week Yoochun and Yunho, clueless Yunho help Jaejoong pack for his year at USA. Jaejoong waves good bye to his family and friends at the airport and watches as his sister and Yunho wave back to him with matching promise rings in their hands.

Dilemma

I need to know the song at the beginning of this video. It's making me nuts not knowing what the fuck that song is. Please Help ME...........................???????

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qic84q3VTJw

Jul. 24th, 2012

Sekushiai is gone. The journal is deleted
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???????????????????????????????????????????
So.............. I was re-watching Tangled today and quite suddenly it hit me how much the horse Maximus acts similar to Changmin.
Random.... I know.
I don't know where that even came from. I was watching the movie and then instead of the horse I saw....... Changmin.




Disney_Tangled_Maximus_Rapunzel_Flynn_Ryder
tumblr_m6z6r8iSHk1rsseae


I am still unable to explain to muself how that can be possible.

May. 13th, 2012

The girl... in Junsu's video..... is himself.
OMG
OMG
OMG
That................. is really unfar to the female population. And the video
I..... Can't.......... Breathe
Holy Sh*t

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Statistics.[One-Shot]

Title: Statistics.[One-Shot]
Pairing
: Yunjae
Warning: None, PG
Disclaimer: Mine, mine all mine... Oh the delusional mind...

It was one of those days. Where they had to wake up early and work work and just work. When they returned back to dorm Shim Changmin was tired and their manager hyung didn’t buy them any extra snacks. (“You are on a diet Changmin-ah”). And he was tired and hungry. Damn it he used to have eight meals a day, and if he didn’t gain any fat then, how the heck would he now?

In the midst of hunting for any kind of snack, Changmin paused. Now, you would be wondering why this is uncommon. Mind you, this is Shim Changmin you are talking about. The resident food blender of DBSK/THSK who would not even bat  an eyelash until he gets his snack on his hand. And why did he pause, you may ask. Because it was too quiet, for Changmin.

Yes, you heard me right. Because it was too quiet. Why was it too quiet, you may ask next. I don’t know myself. So, it’s time for us to shift in to Changmin’s mind now. To see what is happening.

Aish, what the hell. Why is it too quiet? Where is Yunho hyung? Has he gone to his JoongieBoo again?

I will kill him if he did. He’s not in the bathroom, checked. Not in the TV room, double checked. Kitchen is banned for him, ah him room. But what is he doing there? I thought no human could go in there because of the laundry-that-needed-to-be-done-but-is-late-by-two-months. Well let’s see.

“Yunho hyung? Yunho hyung.”

Huh? Just a grunt? So it’s okay if I peek?

“Hyung what are you doing?”

No answer.  Is he deaf? Or asleep just sitting?

“Hyung, you should go and sleep….. Hey, what’s that? A new script? But why is it not a hardcopy? Are they giving you a soft copy nowadays?”

Why do I feel that something bad is going to happen?

“H..Hyung. are you alright?”

Yikes. What? Why…. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh Joongie Umma save me.

“Twenty two Changmin… It has increased by four. Tell me why is that?” Aish, has Yunho gone mad. Why is he trying choke me? Aish let go of my t-shirt hyung.

Now that’s more like it. But why did he pounce on melike that? I thought I did something reaaaaaaaaaaaally wrong.

“What has increased hyung?”

That’s right. Be the innoncent dongsaeng. May be he has gone mad. When was the last time he met Jaejoong hyung? Wait, that was two weeks ago.

“…… wo.”

“Huh? Didn’t catch that hyung. Come again?”

Woah….. I thought he threw the laptop at me. Okay, what is he trying to show me?

Wait…. Is that what I really think it is?

“hyung where did you find all these?”

“What do you mean find Changmin? You just have to google and you will find it.”

“But the old ones are really old. Like, wait…. Are these from 2006? Did you really start it from since then? Hyung…..”

Okay, this is shocking and pretty much insane. I think what we have been afraid of has come true. Yes, he has gone mad it seems. How do I handle this?

“But hyug, what’s the problem with that?”

“That is not a problem. This is dongsaeng. And this and this… This… I can’t even….”

Wait… OH!!!! Oka….ay Shim Changmin, do not look the scary dragon in the eyes. Yes that’s it. Give him the damn laptop. All right, now let’s back up out of the room slowly. Don’t hasten. Don’t run. Gahhhhh I can’t he is giving me the evil eye. Run Changmin. And don’t  forget to speed dial umma.

“Umma save meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…………..”

“Come here Shim Changmin. Explain to me why the fanfics with the pairing Changmin/Jaejoong has increased by so much? And why hasn’t Yunjae fanfics increased that much? What did you do? Did you follow him on twitter? Did you wear the same ring/t-shirt/shirt/belt/pant/earring/hat/sunglass/shoes as him?”

Pant..pant..thank..God…he..stopped.

“Is it the hair right? The same hair style.”

Cue the running. I can’t keep up with this maniac. I pray that umma will be here to save me. Oh… is that him?

“Yunnie-ah”

Sweet Baby Jesus and Mother Mary. I thank thee for saving thy son from this hell.

“Why are you both panting? What did you do to my Changmin-ah?”

Ohh no… I think I need a place to hide.

“Your Changminah?”

“Yunniieeeee why are you like this baby? What happened my sweet pea?”

Eeeeewwwww…. They are sweet talking. I better retreat and find somewhere to hide.

“But Jaejoongah… You can’t. see see… You are proving them right. See… I counted these.”

Ohhh he’s showing them to Jae hung.

“Ohh Yunnie-yah. Are you still doing this? I thought you stopped?”

Wait, so he knows too?

“What’s wrong with this?”

“This is what’s wrong BooJae. Look it’s Changmin/Jaejoong. Not Yunjae. Do you know why? I gave them enough hints.It should be enouh to write more Yunjae, not soulfighter.”

Okay… rewind. Hints? What is he talking about? And who in their right minds gets so mad because his lover was paired up with another? Who? Jung-freaking-Yunho does. That was why he was so mad. Because the number of soul fighter fics have increased. By four… is he in his right mind?

“And then there’s You and Yoochun, you know how I hate them right BooJae? And even Junsu.”

“Oh baby… Those are just fiction baby. What we have right here is real. Didn’t I tell you that enough times already? ”

Wow… He’s a smooth talker. And I predict that Yunho hyung would be too dumbfounded to say anything… Yep, I was right, he is looking at Jae Hyung with all that googly eyes and lovey dovey dorky smile. Okay it’s my time to go to the kitchen and get the snacks Jae hyung brought. I swear that idiot isjust a childish sap. Who gets upset over number of fanfics. Yunjae has the most fics after KatTun. Yes I researched. It’s not that hard to do. Anyways, I guess Jae hyung will be ‘consoling’ Yunho hyung and that that idiot will leave more ‘clues’ for those stalking Yunjae fans. Aish, he really needs to grow up.

Anyways… don’t you think you have been inside my head enough? You better get out fast before I get my scary secret weapon. Did you honestly think that I didn’t feel you entering my head? And you author-sshi… You Just Wait.

Woops. He he Sorry Changmin-ah. So, that’s what happened. Now go on, leave a comment. I have to find a place to hide from the scary Volde- oops… You-know-who.

Title: Give me a definition for this... [One-Shot]
Pairing
: Yunjae
Disclaimer: Changmin is my husband and Yunaje are my personal bodygurads. Really... they are

No one really knows what love is. Atleast that’s what we believe. Some may call love as the smile on your lover. Or the understanding between you two. Or simply the bond between you two. But no one has yet described and defined what love is.

This is what Shim Changmin thinks, when he was studying; pouring over his notebooks one afternoon. He needed to study for an upcoming test, nobody said a student’s life was easy, until suddenly the thought occurs. He has been having a crush on a fellow student(a girl mind you, because whatever fans thinks, he is straight damn it). His thoughts carry him onto the future, what it would be. Will he be marries? Will he be in love? Then suddenly he realises, he doesn’t know what love is. There are no books. Internet is not helpful either.

So, he turns to his one and only solution.

“Yunho hyung...” He starts.

“Hmmm?” Yunho answers. He is watching a program in the TV.

“Yunho hyung, what do you suppose what love is?” Changmin asks.

And Yunho makes a surprised noise. “ What is this all about? Is there someone?” He teases.

“No… I mean… Aish just answer the damn question.” Changmin says irritably.

“But… Changminnie. What brought this on?” Yunho asks.

“Just… I was thinking.. and wanted to know.” Changmin reasons.

“What love is? But it is subjective to each other, what I feel love is will not be the same for you.” Yunho states matter of factly.
“Okay then, what do you suppose love is?” Changmin asks.
And Yunho knows, there are no escaping the question this time.

“Well, for me it is…….” He starts.

“… I don’t know Minnie, I am not sure how to express what love is. Since I am not a philosopher. I don’t know how to say. For me love is the feeling of belonging. When I hold that person in my arms, it feels so right. I feel like we are one not two. And when that person leans onto me, I want to hide them in my embrace and shield from this world forever since they are mine. Love for me is the feeling I get, the happiness I get at one glance in my lover’s eyes. Just that glance and I will forget the whole world. Love for me is home, when the other knows what I am feeling and thinking at just one glance. Love for me is the forgiveness of that person, even if I piss them off royally. Love for me are the tears that person will shed because I am in pain. Love for me is that feeling. The one feeling that makes you feel like on the top of the world. Love for me is the courage to admit that I love that person. To not be afraid… Love for me is that dongsaeng.” Yunho finishes his long rant, but Changmin notices his eyes are focused on something Changmin cannot see, glazed over and emotions flickering like a broken TV.

“If that’s what love for you, the why did you let it go?” Changmin asks suddenly and Yunho snaps back to reality.
Until now Changmin has never been the one to ask about Yunho’s relationship matters. So, the sudden outburst surprises Yunho, who pauses to think for a moment.
“Because as much as I love that person, there are not only two, but five lives bounded by that love dongsaeng. We are family aren’t we? And I didn’t let it go. I am keeping it hidden until one day I can express without fearing whether it would harm the person I love. People are not as forgiving as they appear, and I would like to keep my reason for being alive, alive.” Yunho answers.

“Eww so greasy.” Changmin wrinkles his nose.
“So did you get your answer?” Yunho asks.
“I don’t know. I will tell you when I know.” Changmin answers and walks to his room in his cynical manner.
“You brat…” Yunho shouts from where he sits. But turns his attention back to the TV where a melody is playing.

Our paths will cross again, I am thinking about you every time I close my eyes, you’re everything
It is still natural that you are by our side
We can only wish that you are happy
We will climb our stairs one by one
We are still waiting for you, imagining our future


“ I am still waiting Boo. Please wait for me.” Yunho mumbles and types a message to his love. The reason for his breathing, the reason for his smiles and his hard working. His drive, his boo.

A/N: This is my first fanfic so please be patient with me. I would love to know your suggestions and parts that I needto improve... ;)

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Regarding the JYJ saesang fan incident, here are some facts on the same matter, on another angle. I hope you all will read this and help spread the word.
On another note all this seems to have happened long before,(in 2009 and around) but seems to be surfacing now, which seems a little more than suspicious don't you think?


https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QXbyYQjPbfXtdcRF4Uh9k-2wx_VUHzfbjV80ZnwsRHg/preview?pli=1&sle=true#

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Changmin-ah

Changminah, my sweet maknae. You and I are both of the same age though different months. You are my oppa. But apart from that, I want to wish you a very happy b"day. Today you have gained another year to your life. I hope you have gained wisdom and happiness to your life too.
My sweet Changmin with a tongue full of snarky comments I love you. You have showed so much strength and passion and love I want to keep you to myself, but I can't. Anyways wish you a very happy b'day. Hope you and I will meet oneday. :)))

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Vacation......

So..... I'm going on atrip with my whole family(as in cousins and their family and all). And I am going to somewhere where it's so hot(why did I agree again? I hate sweating). But it's gonna be awesome. I love travelling and this is my first time going there. So it's going to be awesome :)

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